Bring on the Waterworks 😭

Perimenopause has taught me a lot about my emotions over the past few years.

The rage.

The anxiety.

The frustration.

But the biggest lesson that I've learned so far is my relationship to sadness.

SADLESS

Before perimenopause, sadness was just something that happened in the movies, or when I was watching one of those Sarah McLachlan commercials about starved and abandoned pets. But it really wasn't an emotion that I recall having such a strong hold over me.

I mean, I wasn't completely calloused. Of course, I'd cry at funerals or during a sad movie. But please know that I did everything in my power to hide my tears. And when it came to everyday life, the word sad was not in my vocabulary.

If I'm being completely honest, I must admit that I spent almost all of my 20s and 30s drinking away even the slightest inconvenience. If I was sad, Jack Daniel’s was always there to soothe my pain. But that's another story for another day.

I just so happened to get sober and enter perimenopause around the same time.  Boy, was I in for a rude awakening. 👀

Without the booze, I finally had to just sit back and feel all of the emotions I had been avoiding. And after 25 years of numbing myself with alcohol, the tears came pouring out.

Relentlessly.

Before I go any further, I do want to point out that I realize not every woman reading this will be able to relate to my addiction and the emotional turmoil it caused.

You may not relate to my drinking, but I’m willing to bet you can relate to stuffing down emotions over the years. And it’s not our fault.

This isn't about blame.

It's about awareness.

PASS THE KLEENEX

As the years passed, I noticed a subtle shift to my relationship with sadness. I no longer saw it as a bad thing or something that I had to hide.

If I was sad, I cried.

It's really that simple.

And I noticed something else during my Sadness 101 training that really blew my mind:

I felt better after I cried.

Who fucking knew, right? 

So, I did a little research, and it turns out there may actually be a biological reason we sometimes feel better after a good cry. Researchers think crying may help activate the part of our nervous system that helps us calm back down, and things like oxytocin and our body’s natural pain-relieving system may play a role too.

Isn't that amazing?

So, the next time you feel sad, grab them tissues, girl.

WHY NOW?

Okay, so we know that we feel sad sometimes, and we know that crying can help us feel better.

But why now?

Why do our bodies decide after four or five decades to turn on the waterworks at the drop of a hat?

(Like I could fully see myself crying over a hat I dropped on the floor.)

Honey, there ain't no surprise here.

It's your hormones.

WILD ASS HORMONES 

During perimenopause, our hormones are all over the fucking place. The smooth ride of our 20s and 30s is long gone, and now we're left clinging for dear life on the Hot Hormonal Mess Express (pictured below).

Specifically, I believe that there are two primary hormones to blame. I'm not a doctor nor do I pretend to be, but I have researched the shit out of this stuff over the years.

Here's what I've learned:

1. Estrogen does a whole lot more than regulate our periods. It also interacts with dopamine (our get shit done chemical) and serotonin (our feel good chemical), which both play a huge role in our mood. And during perimenopause, estrogen can fluctuate like crazy.

   And this shift can sometimes feel like it has happened overnight, which does wonders for our self-esteem. 🙄

2. Then there’s good ole progesterone. One of progesterone’s big jobs is helping support that calm, settled feeling in the body. But during perimenopause, progesterone can get more erratic as ovulation becomes less predictable.

And when that calming effect gets thrown off, calm and cozy can turn into bitchy and moany real fucking fast. It’s like we have zero tolerance for anyone or anything. (And we don’t).

But because some of us have been trained to be perfect little people pleasers, we may not know how to say no OR feel guilty if we do.

I used to get mad (and sometimes still do), but it's almost always followed by a pity party and a box of Kleenex.

FOR BETTER OR WORSE

I've come a long way with this whole crying thing, but there's always more to learn.

Earlier this week, I literally woke up feeling sad. And the crazy thing was that I could NOT pinpoint the exact reason why.

Maybe it's work? Maybe I ate something shitty? Maybe I need to exercise more? Maybe I'm going to feel like this for the rest of my life, and I am doomed forever.

It's easy to spiral, isn't it?

I probably spent a good hour trying to figure out WHY I was sad so I could FIX it and get on with my life.

But what if there's nothing to fix?

What if instead of making yourself more sad about being sad, you're just sad?

And that's ultimately the conclusion I landed on. I don't need to find a reason or fix it.

I merely accepted the fact that I was sad. No strings attached.

I named exactly what I was feeling without judgment, blame, or guilt. 

And that’s when things began to shift. 

I didn't jump up and start dancing or anything crazy like that. But I was able to interrupt the doom spiral. By doing so, I was able to clear my mind enough to create some sort of plan for the day. 

And the biggest gift I gave myself was permission to take things slowly. I didn’t put unnecessary expectations on myself to be happy or feel better. 

I just got up from the couch and started my day – slowly and imperfectly. 

And you wanna know a little secret? 

I actually got a lot accomplished once I got up and going. And I ended the day feeling pretty damn good.