The Four Words I Wish Someone Would Have Said to Me Before I Entered Perimenopause

It's not your fault.

Let me say that again . . . it is not your fault.

You are doing the best you can with the information and resources that you have available to you.

And that is enough.

You are enough.

Perimenopause is hard, man. Like everything about it sucks. Our moods are all over the place. We have all of these new and strange physical symptoms popping up without warning.

We’re managing kids, careers, and aging parents.

And somehow we’re supposed to walk 10,000 steps a day, eat an obscene amount of protein, and find the magic supplement that will somehow make it all go away.

It’s exhausting.

And for some of us, it is extremely isolating.

Even if we do have partners, friends, or therapists that are willing to listen to us bitch about our lack of energy and our new “meno” bellies, sometimes it still feels like no one really gets it.

And that’s when the self-doubt starts creepin’ on in.

Am “I” the problem?

Why does every other woman seem to have her shit together?

What am I doing wrong?

Maybe if I just try this one other thing, I’ll feel better.

Am I going to feel like this forever?

So, let me say it again . . .

It is not your fault.

You’re not doing anything wrong.

And you certainly aren’t alone.

When I first started experiencing my perimenopause symptoms at the lovely age of 43, I thought I was losing my mind.

Literally.

So much so that I took an online test to see if I was bipolar.

I was just desperate for an answer. And I was even more desperate for a solution.

And, honey, let me tell you that I did ALL of the things:

I got my hormones tested - only to be told I was too young to be in perimenopause.

I bought a shit ton of supplements and spent waaay too much money for bright yellow piss.

I tried HRT. Three. Separate. Times.

I bought tea, tinctures and powders.

I ate a fuck ton of protein and started lifting weights.

And the most infuriating part was experiencing something I call the hope rollercoaster. Each time you try something new you have this tiny spark of hope that this will be “the thing”.

It ain’t.

It never is.

And then on top of losing hope, you get smacked in the face with the disappointment and rejection of another failed attempt.

So now on top of all of your other perimenopause symptoms, you start feeling shame, disappointment, and defeat.

Once again.

It’s not your fault.

WILD ASS HORMONES

If you’ve dug around in the perimenopause world searching for answers, then you are probably already aware of how our wild ass hormones impact everything from our moods to our sleep (hello 3 am) to our libido. It only takes 5 minutes of scrolling on Instagram to get the hormonal down low on how estrogen and progesterone fluctuations impact approximately 4,378 different things.

And then some lady with lipstick smeared all over her face, smudged mascara, and two pairs of glasses on top of head proceeds to tell you about all of the symptoms that “nobody warned us about.”

We don’t need someone to tell us what we are experiencing.

We already know something feels off.

What we are searching for in the plethora of perimenopause madness out there on the web is a way to fix it.

Make it go away.

Give me a magic pill or something so that I will never feel this way ever again in my life.

But what if there’s nothing to fix?

What if the answer that we are looking for isn’t “out there”?

MAGNESIUM MADNESS

If I hear one more person say, “Have you tried magnesium?”, I think I might lose my shit.

Yes, magnesium is amazing. Yes, if we are deficient in certain vitamins and minerals, it can negatively impact our health.

We already know that.

We’ve known that since we were popping Flintstone vitamins back in the 80s.

And I am not telling you to stop taking a supplement if you feel like it’s really helping.

What I am saying is that maybe our hormones aren’t the enemy.

Maybe our hormones are doing exactly what they are supposed to do.

Think about it.

When a teenage girl is going through puberty, do you question it?

Do you try to fix it?

Do you buy her a new vitamin organizer to fill up with hormone fighting capsules and tablets?

No.

Why?

Puberty is part of the process.

And so is perimenopause.

THE BIG CHANGE

So, if you only take one thing from this article, it’s this: Please stop beating yourself up over something that is completely out of your control.

Nature designed us this way for a reason.

We may not understand the reason.

And we certainly don’t have to like it.

Because let’s be real - this shit is not fun.

We may not be able to control it. But we also don’t have to spend every ounce of extra energy that we have, which ain’t much, trying to fight something that is beyond our control.

I believe that the first step in overcoming any issue that we are experiencing in our lives is acceptance.

Acceptance for what is.

Acceptance without judgement.

Acceptance of the unknown.

Acceptance that this transition that we are experiencing is exactly that. . .

A transition.

And even though I have no idea what’s on the other side of “the big change”, I do know one thing.

I will get through it.

I’ve been through a lot of shit over the years, and I know that you have too.

And I’m certainly not going to let a little piss ass thing called perimenopause be the one thing that takes me down.

I’m stronger than that.

And so are you.

I’ve never been great at wrapping up my essays. This one is no different.

So, I will leave you with a quote from the queen of acceptance, Byron Katie:

Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you.

Everything happens at exactly the right moment,

Neither too soon nor too late.

You don't have to like it . . . it's just easier if you do.

If you'd like to hear the full story of my "perimenopausal awakening", check out this video on YouTube. TAKE ME THERE