THE HYSTERIA

ISSUE NO. 004 • SEPTEMBER 27, 2026

Praise Jesus - we have made it to fall!

Lord, I never thought it was going to cool down here in Nashville, but it did, and I am soo thankful!

There are lots of little goodies packed into this week's newsletter.

So, grab your favorite pumpkin spice treat (or not), get cozy, and let's dive in.

🧠 WTF IS HAPPENING?

FOUR WORDS

Let me ask you a question.

Take a moment to think about when you first learned about perimenopause. Now, think about how you felt when you figured out that you were probably, most likely in perimenopause.

Okay - here's the question : What do you wish someone would have told you?

Find out what I wish someone would have told me in this week's blog.

What was it?

🧪 THIS WEEK'S EXPERIMENT

UNTHINK

Sometimes we just need to stop and . . . .

The answer is not "think" although that is what so many of us do when we are faced with a problem or a situation we are trying to solve.

I am proposing something different. What if we stop and "unthink"?

Next time you need a little reset, try this:

1) Find a quiet place where you won't be distracted. (The bathroom is fine, honey.)

2) Go to the timer app on your phone and set one for five minutes.

3) When the timer begins, close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath.

4) While breathing in and out of your nose, simply follow your breath. As you breathe in, follow the breath all the way from your nostrils into your lungs, and then follow the breath back out.

5) If thoughts come up, fine. But as soon as you notice them, come back to your breath.

6) And let go of any judgement you may have for "messing" up. It's not about that, honey. It's about the practice of returning to your breath over and over again.

I'd love to know what happened!

Email me at hormonehysteria@gmail.com

📡THIS WEEK'S TRANSMISSION

GIRL, I WAS 43 YEARS OLD.

That's how old I was when I figured out that I was in perimenopause. And here's the kicker. . .nobody told me I was in perimenopause, I had to figure that shit out on my own. They actually told me that I was "too young" to be in perimenopause. 🙄

If you wanna know more about my perimenopause story, check out this video on YouTube.

👽 LIFE ON EARTH

POST-OVULATION FUN

Well, earlier this week, I officially hit the post-ovulation crash. Lord have mercy this one was a doozy. I literally had full body aches similar to what some call the "period flu".

At first, I was like what in the actual hell is happening to me? But then I pulled up my cycle tracker and looked back to previous months around the same time.

Yup - good old Day 12 is when the rug gets pulled out from under me.

It sucked.

But you know what? Once I confirmed it was my hormones acting like a damn fool, I started to feel like 10% better. Yes, I was still tired. Yes, I was still achy, but at least I knew I wasn't coming down with some weird ass summer cold or some shit like that.

I did have some work to get done, but I didn't push it. I did what needed to be done that day, and I retreated to the couch.

Without guilt.

And I am happy to report that I am "somewhat" back to normal.

What is normal anyway? lol

🔥 BADDIE OF THE WEEK

MADONNA

At 68 years old, Madonna is opening the VMAs tonight, marking her first live VMA performance in 23 years. Oh, and she’s also walking into the building as the most-nominated artist of the night with 11 nominations.

But here’s my favorite Madonna fact: this woman has had a No. 1 Billboard dance hit in five different decades: the ’80s, ’90s, 2000s, 2010s and 2020s. She racked up 50 of them, becoming the first artist ever to score 50 No. 1s on a single Billboard chart.

And just this summer, Confessions II became her 10th No. 1 album, making Madonna the first artist to have a No. 1 album on the Billboard 200 in four different decades.

She’s spent more than 40 years being told she’s too sexual, too provocative, too old, too much, and probably a thousand other versions of women aren’t supposed to do that.

And she just keeps fucking doing it.

Now that's a baddie.

At 47⬆️, Madonna released Confessions on a Dance Floor. So consider this your friendly reminder that 47 is not the end of the story. We are just getting started!

🛸 ON THE RADAR

Cycle Sense is Coming

Have you ever felt like your perimenopause symptoms just hit you out of the blue?

Like one day, your fine, and then the next day you are ready to knock somebody's lights out?

Same, girl.

That's why I am creating Cycle Sense. I've spent the past year and a half tracking my symptoms (and other things) EVERY SINGLE DAY to see if I could predict when things would happen.

I was absolutely blown away with what I discovered.

And I have become completely fascinated with the female body and all of the ancient wisdom that resides inside each of us.

I'm still working out the details. . .

But stay tuned.

You will certainly be the first to know.

See you next week!

💜 Crystal